Did you know that the world record for the most T-shirts worn by one person is 245? It’s held by a chap called Krunoslav Budiselic in Croatia.

But you might be thinking “that’s interesting Vinay, but what does that have to do with anything?”

I just thought is was a great metaphor for how we develop as human beings. You see, when we are born we have only two fears - the fear of falling down and of loud noises, everything else is learned through our experiences. Each experience is like a “T shirt” we collect and put on, some have a logo which is empowering and others have a disempowering logo.

Over the years we layer these “T shirts” over one another and as we enter adulthood we forget how many we have collected until we try to change or do something new and find it difficult. These “unconscious” beliefs suddenly come alive.

Let me give you an example. I teach networking skills <click here to see more>as part of what I do and one of the common issues people have with the concept of networking is walking in to a room full of strangers. Now, these are bright intelligent people just like you and I and they know logically that they’ll come to no harm but for some reasons they feel a sense of fear. One of the beliefs I often uncover is “Mother said don’t talk to strangers.” Imagine trying to network holding that belief! It might sound silly but many of these unconscious beliefs stand in the way of you operating to your best.

So here is my tip. Start to become aware of the “T shirts” you have collected of the years – both the ones which empower you and those that don’t. Then begin to ask yourself “What do I need to do differently to remove these disempowering beliefs?”. You’ll begin to stretch yourself and some of these “T shirts” so they no longer fit!

Have you ever made the mistake of putting your dinner in the microwave to heat up only to find that while the outside is pipping hot the inside is left a little cold?

The steam rising from your plate made you sure that it was done but when you plunged in your folk and took a mouthful you found a little cold spot.

Well, change can kind of be like that too.

Change is a dual journey. You have your actions – the outer journey and your emotions the inner journey. To navigate through change successfully and safely you have to go on both journeys, the problem is that most people don’t. Most people focus only on the actions they take.

Let’s take a classic example.

Sick and tired of your trousers feeling too tight around your middle or perhaps that favourite  party dress not quite fitting the way it used to, you decide to get fit and drop some of those extra pounds. You join the gym and meet a personal trainer who sets you a exercise plan which he promises, if followed, will help you lose the weight and get into shape.

So off you go. You stick to the programme religiously. You work muscles you never knew you had and you notice great results. Elsewhere your friends are all out socialising and because you’re on a “diet” you pass on the opportunity to join them and decide to stay in – a sense of pride overcomes you and you give yourself a metaphorical pat on the back.

You keeping doing what you are doing but after a while you discover you’re not getting the same results anymore. It’s starting to get a little harder. You start to miss the odd gym session and before you know it you’re down from 4 times a week to 4 times a month.

You’ve also been rewarding yourself with the odd night out but all too suddenly it feels like your back to your normal routine. What happened?

You forgot the inside. Whilst you were changing what you were doing, you didn’t change who you were being.

Your being is the sum total of your beliefs, values and experiences. It’s what shapes the way you see the world and is the power centre of your motivation. Your being is what helps you decide what’s important in your life, it’s the science behind your decision making and it’s what determines how you approach what you do.

Whilst there was some initial motivation in the above example, it wasn’t strong enough to stay on course. Internally the values and beliefs had a greater pull in another direction – for example perhaps there’s a greater value placed on relationships with friends than on personal health or there’s a belief that the time spent at the office working on making money is better than running on that treadmill.

The success and longevity of any change is in direction proportion to the harmony between what you are doing and your being. When you have conflict between them that’s when change is short lived.

So how do you do that? As start point you need to understand your personal values.

List your values – what are the ways of being that are important to you in your life? For example Authentic, Dynamic, Adventure, Security, Family etc  and then rank them in order of absolute importance – take your time on this one, it’s not always easy.

If you need some help try this online tool:

http://www.douglaswagoner.com/ValueTest.php .

What this will reveal for you is a “league table” of what’s important to you and you can begin to unpack where there might be disharmony. For example if your top value is security any thing you do which has a high element of risk in it will cause a problem.

Another thing you might wish to try is consider the ecology of the change you want to make by these key questions:

What would you gain or lose by making this change?

What will happen if you achieve it?

What won’t happen if you achieve it?

What will happen if you don’t achieve it?

What won’t happen if you don’t achieve it?

This process will also help you reveal any conflicts and help you ensure that the centre is fully heated.

Vinay talks about the way in which technology is changing the way people communicate. He uses the example of American Singer-Songwriter David Carroll‘s experience with United Airlines and how he used Youtube to broadcast a message when he wasn’t being heard.

David’s $3,500 guitar was damaged by bagagge handlers throwing it around and it cost him $1,200 to fix it. After 9 months of complaints and frustrated at not being given a response he used his creativity to write a song and post a viral video “united breaks guitars”. He got 1.5m hits in just 4 days and the Times of London reported that United’s stock fell 10% costing shareholders a potential $108m!